The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
