I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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