Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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