hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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