I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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