At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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