Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
