There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
