Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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