Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
