hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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