flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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