I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i think my mom watched the whole time
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
