She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
