She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
