just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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