Who did Billy Mays play for?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
