ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
