got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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