Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
