Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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