Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
