Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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