the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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