i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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