I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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