He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize