I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
