I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
