Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
