Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize