my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
cat food counts as protein by the way
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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