Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize