Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
