I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
