i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
