i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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