I will die if light touches me.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
