Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
