guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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