guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
