You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
