her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
