Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
