can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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