Me too!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize