I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
