i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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