I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
