dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
