dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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