I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
