Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
