Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
