well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
