i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
