***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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