The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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