Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
