well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
