I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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