sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
