I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
