Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
