Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
