I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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