Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm always down for nudity.
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