the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
