my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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