I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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