if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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