I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
They took my balls.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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