I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
